90's XI part 4: I hate him, but...

My formative years were characterised by two things: understanding I was lucky as a West Indies fan to be able to watch Lara, Ambrose and Walsh at or near their primes. As an England fan, however, my over riding memory is watching the Australian teams eviscerate us over and over again and when I think of those teams there's one face that stares back at me, a face that I wanted to hate for it's smug confidence, a face that came in down the order on the rare occasions we could induce a top order collapse and smash us into oblivion. Steve Waugh. I want to hate him...but I respect him too much. Against England, there were eleven times in the 90's he came to the crease and did not get out; 13 time he scored 50 or more. The man just did not give his wicket away and made batting with the tail an art form; I mean he averaged 50 batting with the likes of Warne, McGrath and Kasprowicz, you have to give the man credit (even if you'd prefer to punch him). In all the Ashes euphoria, people have been quick to lionise Jonathan Trott. The truth is he's just doing what Waugh did less than a decade ago. Anyway, even though I respect him and he would definitely captain this team, he caused too much damage to me growing up so I'll leave you with the highlights and sign off.

World Cup 1999

122* 1998

90's XI: part two

The next two names down on the 90’s XI team sheet and I’ve taken a big risk and gone for the Little Master, Sachin Tendulkar, and The Honourable Brian Charles Lara, widely regarded as two of the five greatest bats of all time. I’ll go this far: when Lara retired, I thought he was the (very) marginally better bat. However, longevity has to play a part and now, I would say that Tendulkar has had the better career. In the 90’s, though, well, you decide: which of these sets of numbers would you rather have? (As a disclaimer, I am well aware that numbers never tell the whole story, but they are an essential part of the narrative.)

All statistics based on test matches only.

Batsmen One

• Decade Average: 54.616
• Scored 1000 runs in a calendar year twice in the decade
• Had two years shortened by injury
• Most 100’s scored in a year = 5
• Highest one year average = 91.42
• Lowest one year average = 19.50
• Average against Australia = 58.5
• 22 centuries in the decade (21 half centuries)
• Played 59 matches in the decade at an average of 95

Batsmen Two

• Decade Average: 52.725
• Scored 1000 runs in a calendar year once in the decade (and got 996 once)
•  Most 100’s scored in a year = 4
• 13 Centuries in the decade (29 half centuries)
• Had one year shortened by injury
• Average against Australia = 55.6
• Played 65 matches in the decade at an average of 85
• Highest one year average = 73.61
• Lowest one year average = 46.22 (this batsmen’s first year)

The last thing to say is that batsmen one was much more feast or famine, capable of astounding highs and depressing lows, whereas batsmen two was much more consistent and always chugged along at an otherworldly high rate. Batsmen ones peaks and troughs are both higher and lower. Be honest, you think batsmen one is Lara don't you? It’s ok, I thought the same thing as well, because when entering into a discourse into the two batsmen, that has always been the prevailing wisdom: that Lara was flashier but inconsistent and Tendulkar was the steady guy, the guy you’d choose in the long run because he was balanced. I only bring this up to try and redress an imbalance that I have noticed when Tendulkar versus Lara comes up. I am fine with you going for Tendulkar over Lara but go for the believable reason – at his peak he was simply better, rather than the irrational line – he was more consistent. If you still believe that, well I want you to go and look up the meaning of cognitive dissonance; it should help explain why this article has you riled up.

Anyways, onto the highlights

For Tendulkar I think this is his best innings, 111 against a rampant South Africa that decimated the Indian batting order. Proof? Second top scorer: Kapil Devs 25. As an aside, this is also the test where he became the youngest ever to 1000 test runs. I could've gone for other innings and you could argue that this test isn't so special as they didn't win, but I'm pretty sure they lose without Tendulkar.

111

For Lara there's only one clip worth showing 153

A little backstory: Bridgetown, Barbados 1-1 in the series and Australia set an imposing 490 in their first innings, with batsmen number 5 in the all decade team scoring 199. The Windies responded with a respectable 321, with Sherwin Campbell (!) top scoring with 105. In the second innings Australia are skittled for 146, Shane Warne making a battling 32, ably supported by extras who contributed 25. This leaves the Windies needing 311 to win. Doable? Definitely. Doable after being reduced to 248-8 with Ambrose and Walsh at the other end? Not so much. But in Brian we trusted, and even if the 14 balls Ambrose faced were like watching an Englishman taking a penalty in a pressure situation, i.e, doomed to failure, this time, fate was on the Windies side as Lara lead them to a famous win

Any disagreement with my number three and four? Leave a comment on my facebook or here. The eagle eyed will know who the number five batsmen is and he shall be next. 

90's XI

So, I literally just had this idea. I'm going to tell you who's in my 90's XI, give you their stats and let the power of youtube do the rest. Then we'll have a conversation in the comments. First up: Curtley Elconn Lynwall Ambrose

98 tests 405 wickets @ 20.99
22 5 wicket hauls
3 10 wicket hauls
Best figure 8/45

Ambrose to Tendulkar
7 for 1

For me (and I am unbiased...) the greatest fastbowler of the last 25 years. He had no weakness and no peers. There's an interesting point made by the commentator in the 7-1 video which makes a point that people forget about Big Bad Dread; he was ridiculously unlucky and the main beneficiary of that was Walsh. Anyways, I think Ambrose is the first name you put down on a team of the 90's, so I did. Disagree? Comment is free

Fantasy Football: A Retrospective

My first article that got credit: Written: January 14th 2009. I’m running this as a preview of the updated one that will be coming out in a couple of weeks.

At this, the midway point of the season, I thought it was time to hand out some awards for the most important sport to most men. That’s right, fantasy football. Without further ado…

The I liked them before they were famous award:

This award goes to cheap players who lit it up for a few weeks, at which point everyone bought them at which point a combination of illness, injury and ineffectiveness made everyone realise why they were so cheap in the first place

Geovanni – Scores wonder goals – does little else

Myhill – Hull had a great start to the season and some (like me) were smug. Watching them crash down to Earth has been humbling.

The one year wonder award:

This award, sometimes referred to as ‘The Nolan’ goes to the player who made a mockery of his fantasy value last year only to bump awkwardly back to Earth this year. That award can, in my mind, only be awarded to one player. That player is Kieran Richardson

The Best single game statistical explosion

Otherwise known as ‘The Benjani’ so named  after the memorable 7-3 Portsmouth Reading fantasyfest last season where Benjani, if he was your captain got you a gazillion points. This award goes to a player who is unheralded, yet for one week skewed the fantasy teams he played for. That player, who in week 17 exploded for 17 points is midfielder Antonio Valencia.

The ‘what more do I need to do to get my coach fired’ award:

This goes to Kevin Pietersen…Oh sorry, wrong sport. I guess I’ll give it to the entire Blackburn squad who did an inspired job of quitting on Paul Ince. Apologies to the Spurs players who did their best to win this award. I just felt Blackburn put forth more effort (sic) to win this. See the difference was you got the sense with Blackburn that they were more than willing to do anything – scoring deliberate own goals, start drinking on the pitch, publicly pine to play for other mediocre teams (yes you Santa Cruz) to get shot of Ince. I never got that sense with Tottenham.

The Bread and butter award

This award goes to a list of players that winning fantasy teams have, ostensibly because they are very good at racking up the points and wont break the bank.

Kirkland – For every point he loses by conceding he makes up for with a phenomenal save rate and bonus points

Howard – Plays for one of the stingiest defences in world football. Sound like hyperbole? Look it up.

Joseph Yobo, Phil Neville, Phil Jagielka, Joleon Lescott – totally utterly dominant. Teams who score on Everton rarely do so without prodigious skill.

Ireland – If you don’t have him in your team, the only acceptable reason is that your girlfriends father cares a little bit to much about united and threatens your life each time you suggest putting Ireland or any other City player in your fantasy team.

Malbranque – 3^rd season in a row that Malbranque has been dependable fantasy points. Very much the Winston Wolf of fantasy football.

Ashley Young – England’s latest answer to the left flank problem. Having Young is an immensely enjoyable experience for those of us who got him when he was on the daylight robbery side of cheap. My advice on weeks where Villa are playing poor defences is to have Young as your captain. I guarantee at least two assists, a goal and two bonus points or a full refund on this column.

Danny Guthrie – Gets assists, takes penalties. He’s still rubbish at life but for fantasy purposes if you have less then five points to spend he’s a decent enough bet.

For strikers I just want to say straight off the bat that it is a crying shame that Walcott got injured as before he did, he was guaranteed to get a goal or assist every game. Quick tangent: I remember watching Arsenal play Fulham earlier this year before Theo exploded onto the scene and remember two things; Holy Cow, Theo is good. I mean Fulham were TRIPLE TEAMING him for goodness sake. I also thought  that Fulham would be ok as Roy odHoHodgson knew that Theo was dangerous enough to merit triple teaming. Let me reiterate, this was before the Croatia game where England’s youngest lion (or is it tiger) earned his stripes. Also Obafemi would have been mentioned but for his injury.

Zaki – Plays for Wigan, scores lots of goals. Let’s be clear on this point. It would be a blow to Wigan to lose Heskey. It would be curtains to lose Zaki.

Jason Roberts – This is a hunch, but my gut tells me he will be the main beneficiary from playing in Sam Allardyce’s system. Big, Strong, quick and good in the air. He’s cut from Big Sam’s cloth.

The first fit Everton striker – He will score more than either Callum or George Best

Gabi – We’ve needed a good Gabi in our lives since Batigol left. This kid will be a star as long as he has pace.

Jones – One of Sunderland’s few class acts. Don’t pick him if you have problems with a player that will score at least 8 more goals this season (health permitted)

The ‘from a certain angle’ award:

You know how some guys swear that Alyson Hanigan (a.k.a the red head from Buffy) is hot? Well, they’re wrong. I have debated this many times and the closest anyone came to explaining this strange phenomenon was by saying that from a certain angle she was hot. Although I maintain that she isn’t hot, I liked my friends explanation and thought it was better applied to certain fantasy players who reel the unsuspecting male in, normally with a big name who, on closer inspection have done precisely sod all to help fantasy teams consistently win. The nominees:

Palacios – Someone needs to email me and tell me how he has tricked so many otherwise normal men into thinking he’s good

Wheater – I myself fell under his mediocre charms. Gosh, I’m an idiot

Ballack – I feel I deserve a bit more bang for my buck, Mr Ballack.

The winner is none of these. The winner is a player who was his teams big off season signing. A player who had been tipped for an England call up as recently as last winter, a player who in my eyes should be done under the trades description act for having the temerity to call himself a goalscorer. The runaway winner of both the From a Certain Angle award and t he Working Man in a Pub could do Better than you award goes to Dave ‘The, ahem, fox in the box’ Kitson.

So there you have it; one man’s myopic view of the fantasy season thus far. Feel free to comment.

For the updated awards I’m opening up the floor for ideas of both awards and award winners. Leave your comments below